Deep Listening
Are you listening?
Or are you hearing?
These are two very different ways of communicating. Most often we are hearing our partner, friend, child, fellow human, but how often do we deeply listen? This is a skill and it can be cultivated. Deep listening can transform and empower our relationships and our ability to connect deeply both with others and ourselves.
Listening to Others
Listening to Ourselves
How you listen to others and how you listen to yourself are intertwined and often how you do one is how you do the other. By offering your deep presence to yourself first, you can take this power to your relationships. And it is a power you can cultivate that will be felt and appreciated by those in your life.
How to Listen Deeply:
Sitting down with your partner in a quiet, distraction-free space, take a few moments to bring your awareness into your body, scanning, noticing your breath, inviting the breath to lengthen and deepen.
Notice what emotions are alive for you. Give them space and ask them to make space for your intention.
What is your intention in this exchange?
State your intention: For example, you could say, “I want to understand how I hurt you.”
Set a timer for 10 minutes or so if this feels helpful to keep the exchange on track. It isn’t necessary, but I find it helpful.
Maintain eye contact with your partner.
Do not interrupt. If you feel triggered or defensive, soften into that feeling by elongating your breath and consciously releasing tension in your body.
Notice if you are preparing for what you will say or how you will defend yourself, and if you are doing this, gently bring your attention and focus back to the one you are listening to.
Notice how their sharing is feeling in your body, in your energetic field. Just notice and allow it to be as it is.
Become curious about how deeply you can receive them and their truth beneath the words.
Once they have completed their sharing, reflect back to them what you understood and ask if this is correct. They may have feedback or may feel received fully.
Thank them for sharing and ask if they would like feedback or not.
Honor that request.
Before offering feedback, tune in to notice if you are going into the mode of defending yourself. It is ok to feel this, but don’t let it overtake the exchange.
Commit to not trying to prove your partner wrong or explain to them why what they are feeling is incorrect. This allows your partner to feel fully received.
Switch partners.
To close, you can thank one another once again, offering a hug or other physical touch if that feels welcomed.
You can use this same format to connect with yourself and hear what your inner parts would like to communicate to you. Simply do the exercise in front of a mirror looking into your own eyes. You can also have a friend witness you as you do this practice for yourself, and you offer witnessing for them as well. Coming together afterwards to share and receive support and encouragement.
I would love to hear how this unfolds for you if you feel called to share.
May this practice Bless your Heart and all of your relationships.
With Love,
Glenna